tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-86965928088735728372011-04-21T15:29:16.014-07:00miss miseryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03793925434363374369noreply@blogger.comBlogger11100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8696592808873572837.post-83533121187184723192011-04-11T15:25:00.001-07:002011-04-11T15:36:00.913-07:00i want to die.<br /><br />i have plans, i have notes, i have final wishes prepared in the event of my demise. but then i think about the mess i would leave behind. my husband couldn't keep up with the payments on the house by himself, and i know i'd scar him forever if he was the one to find my body. i can't bear to hurt him any more than i already do, so i suffer silently.<br /><br />i'm supposed to be on antidepressants, but i didn't like the way they made me not feel. i didn't feel depressed, or happy, or awake. i wandered into oncoming traffic once, and would've been hit in a low-speed collision if my husband hadn't grabbed my arm.<br /><br />i'm supposed to be in therapy, but i can't afford it.<br />i could turn to my friends, if i had any.<br /><br />my husband is the only one who could listen to me, but he has his own problems -- he has depression, and he has bad days, and i can't bear the thought of making it worse.<br /><br />so i sit here, and i shove everyone away, and i bide my time.<br />one day everything will align, and i can say goodbye.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8696592808873572837-8353312118718472319?l=suicidal-ideation.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>miss miseryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03793925434363374369noreply@blogger.com0